Seriously, I don't think I ever have been so excited for fall to come. But I am way, way excited this year. It hasn't even been that hot this summer in St. Louis so I really can't even blame the heat. I have a super cute assortment of scarfs that I bought at the end of last spring on clearance and I have had to wait all summer to wear them! I know vain, and silly, but I am way excited about these scarfs. I am also quite excited to be pregnant in the fall. With Hudson I was in my last trimester during the summer and it was pretty miserable, so I am looking forward to the cooler weather. Also, one more word as to why I am excited for fall....SOUP! I realized last year just how much I love soups, and I have been finding all sorts of recipes for yummy soups but it has just been too hot to make them. I haven't really been able to cook much this summer because I realized that pretty much every kind of meal that I make is a hot meal, and Joe doesn't want to eat hot food after his 30 minute drive home in a car with no air conditioning....I wonder why? Needless to say, I cannot wait for fall to actually get here....and you know what comes after fall???? CHRISTMAS!!! Which means a baby!
Speaking of baby...we are having another boy! And we couldn't be happier. I have felt that our second baby would be a boy since we found out that Hudson was going to be a boy, so I think I have been waiting just a little too long for this little guy to come! I am so excited that Hudson is going to have a little brother to run around with and be best friends, and have someone to teach all of his awesome cool tricks to. I am just so excited to have two little guys romping around the house together. And, I went through all of my baby clothes the other day and I forgot how many cute little boy clothes we have, I think we need another little boy just to show those off! I can tell that this baby is a special spirit, and I feel so blessed to get to be his Mommy. It is really kind of emotional to be going through the process of having a baby again, and it is so different this time. With Hudson, I was so so soooo busy with school that I really didn't have a lot of time to really just revel in the fact that I was going to be a Mom. This time around I am still very busy, but it is Mommy busy, not school busy. I love looking at Hudson and thinking how he was once a little baby, and how I get to do this all over again. I'm very nervous, but this time I know that Heavenly Father is looking out for me and that he has sent these little boys to me for a reason. I don't always think I'm a good mom, and I know I'm not a perfect mom, but I know I'm the right mom for these little guys. And I know that they are the right babies for me. It is amazing how much I need Hudson and how much he teaches me already.
For instance, today I was trying to get dinner ready, and a special yummy desert (orange brownies...try them, they are to die for) and Hudson was just screaming for attention. I really felt like I didn't have the time, and I was a little fed up with the day already. I spent the morning at the Dentist (not my favorite place), and Hudson took a short nap which means he was CRANKY!!!! I was trying to listen to a General Conference talk to calm me down, and I happend to be listening to President Monson's talk from the last General Conference session about obedience. As I was getting frustrated with Hudson for being so needy while I was trying to uplift myself spiritually, and get dinner on the table, it finally hit me that part of my obedience to the Lord as a mother is that I need to put my son first and attend to his needs. We have been commanded to raise our children in righteousness and we have learned through the Family Proclamation that we have a sacred obligation to attend to the needs of our children. So I took a deep breath, knealt down next to Hudson and helped him with whatever it is he was crying about (I honestly don't remember). He immediately settled down, said thank you, and kept playing with his toy. That little lesson today was exactly what I needed. I just can't believe all the things I am learning as a mom. p.s. he started crying again a few minutes later by the door because I wouldn't let him go outside. He cried a bit longer, but Dad happened to walk in the door pretty soon after that and made Hudson feel like a champ again!
August has been a pretty laid back month, The highlight of the month was definitely finding out that we were having another boy. Did I mention that I am so excited? My studio finally took off in the month of August as well. Honestly this has been such a great, big, huge blessing. It was really discouraging trying to find students, and having lots of people tell me that they wanted their kids to learn piano, but nobody actually started lessons. Finally, in August, BOOM! I now have six students and a few more potential students. I honestly feel so blessed that I am able to actually use my talents and degree for something. I love teaching lessons, I really do! And it is extra nice because now we have money to put away into savings for when we move after Joe graduates! And a little extra money for buying things like a new hairbrush...because Hudson dropped mine in the toilet earlier today...gross!
August has been a really big month of growth for me as well. Things have happened that have really made me upset with my lot in life at the current moment, and for a while I stopped looking at the good things and only accentuated the bad. I called my mom crying a lot over petty things that were really just silly. And I got really angry. Really angry that things weren't different, and that we didn't have more money, and that people had other things I didn't...petty things like that. I was really just frustrated with every little thing in life. Finally about two weeks ago there was a quote by President Hinckley in the weekly newsletter for our Relief Society. It says
"Don’t be gloomy. Do not dwell on unkind things. Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. Even if you are not happy, put a smile on your face. ‘Accentuate the positive.’ Look a little deeper for the good. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life.” Gordon B. Hinckley
This just kinda struck me in the face that I was seeking every single little storm that I could. If something had the possibility of getting on my nerves a little, it was all of a sudden going to get on my nerves a lot! I realized that that probably wasn't the kind of person Heavenly Father wanted me to be, and it definitely wasn't the kind of person that I wanted to be. It has been my goal in the past few weeks to put a smile on my face and to stop seeking storms. Man is that hard! I haven't been very good at it, but I know I have been better. I know that I still have a long ways to go. I have felt the softening in my heart towards my family and towards myself. I have been happier in the last week or so, and when I am not happy, I look for the sunshine, and try to enjoy it. I'm telling you...this strategy works. Heavenly Father wants us to be happy. He sent his Son so that we could be happy. There is no reason to be sad, and gloomy. Or unkind. By trying to change my heart I have been given a whole new perspective on life and how many blessings that are just pouring in. Life is good. I love it. I love being a daughter of God, and I love the happiness that knowledge gives me.
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